![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
holmesticemods posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
holmesticeTitle: it's nice to know you girls are having fun
Recipient:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
what_alchemy
Author: [to be revealed]
Characters/Pairings: girl!Sherlock/girl!John
Rating: PG-13
Contains: kissing, confusion, sex toys, science
Summary: In which Joanna wishes ignorance were bliss, Mrs. Hudson is difficult to surprise, and Sherlock never puts away her toys.
-1-
Joanna came home to find Sherlock looking intently at the rabbit section of the Ann Summers webpage.
She didn't give it another thought until she found the same page open on her laptop when she went to check her email. "Do you have a case?" she called out to Sherlock, who had moved on to something dubious involving the new blender.
"What?" Sherlock hollered back over the din.
"Please say it's a case. I'm not buying you a vibrator."
The blender cut out with an angry whir. "Don't be ridiculous. I put them on Mycroft's card."
"Ah," Joanna said. She deleted her search history. Sometimes, it was better not to know.
-2-
A week later, Joanna found a glass dildo on the desk. At first, she thought it was a paperweight. It was pink, hefty in her hand when she picked it up, shaped like a long tentacle that curved around at the end. She ran a finger over the nubs along the top before she realized what it was and almost dropped it.
"Careful," Sherlock said, her voice drifting down from upstairs. "It's Pyrex, but it's not indestructible."
Joanna set it down on the desk. Then she went and washed her hands, to be on the safe side.
When she took out the trash later, she saw the packaging: new, then, and not from Ann Summers, either. She also found last month's electric bill, and in the one-sided row that ensued, nearly forgot the dildo altogether.
-3-
It wasn't as if she was squeamish. Joanna Watson had been around the block and a few continents; she had a choice roster of men and women to show for it. True, that part of her life had been a bit lacking since she returned to the jolly olde, but she had other things in her life now: work at the clinic, Sherlock, good curry, catching up on medical journals, Sherlock, pints at the pub around the corner with Greg Lestrade, more Sherlock.
She'd had little luck with pulling since she returned, a few dates with Sarah and one with D.I. Clark, which had been pleasant enough until he'd gotten onto the topic of illegal firearms. Sooner or later she'd find someone who'd do. Until then, well, she'd never had any trouble taking matters into her own hands.
-4-
It didn't end with the tentacle.
The third horseman of the apocalypse was purple and plugged into Sherlock's iPod when Joanna found it lying on the kitchen table. She had stumbled bleary-eyed downstairs in search of her morning cuppa; the vibrator didn't catch her eye until she stubbed her toe on a table leg and fell forward when she grabbed her foot to feel for broken bones. Then the vibrator was right in front of her nose. Literally.
Joanna didn't touch it. She pushed herself up gingerly off the table and plugged in the kettle. She rubbed at her cheek, which had come down pretty solidly on the corner of the iPod. Hopefully it wouldn't bruise.
-5-
And then there was the silicone dildo floating in Joanna's favorite mug when she came home the next evening. Looking closer, she saw there was a meat thermometer tucked in there, too, one of those electric ones with the long cord.
"Sherlock," she said, her fingers hesitating at the edge of the kitchen counter.
"Mmm?" Sherlock said. She was kneeling at the table in the living room, engrossed in something cone-shaped that was a vivid, medicinal shade of pink.
"What are you trying to—"
The meat thermometer began to beep loudly. "Hmm." Sherlock scrambled for a pen and scribbled something on the sheet of butcher paper she'd put down.
"I don't think—" She turned off the thermometer. "Using my mug to calculate the heat properties of silicone, is that really… scientifically sound? Or necessary?"
"It was there." Sherlock flapped her hand vaguely in the direction of the cupboard. "Go away now. I'm busy."
Joanna folded her arms.
The cone on the desk began to pulse rhythmically.
"Really?" Joanna said.
Sherlock pulled her iPod out from under yesterday's Daily Mail and put the earbuds in.
-6-
And the following night:
"I was wondering, dear," Mrs. Hudson said, leaning into the hallway, "if you might talk to Sherlock about tidying up?"
Joanna braced the bag of groceries on her hip. "Of course. What's… should I ask?"
"Detective Lestrade dropped by earlier and she'd left some things about. I didn't want to move them, but perhaps…"
"Oh," Joanna said, beginning to get the picture.
Except, apparently, not. "It's nice to know you girls are having fun." Mrs. Hudson smiled. "Just make sure you give it a nice boil before you put it away."
-7-
There was a strap-on sitting in her chair. The dildo was pale and glittery.
Joanna took one breath, and then another, and a minute later she was still breathing and had not, in fact, expired from pure shame. It had been all well and good and strangely nonsexual when it was just Sherlock's weird new obsession. Now every time they were at a crime scene, Joanna was going to wonder who thought she had a sparkly vampire hard on for Sherlock.
Actually, Joanna was pretty sure all of Scotland Yard already thought she had a sparkly vampire hard on for Sherlock.
She sat down in Sherlock's chair and put her face in her hands.
After a few minutes, she heard footsteps. "Sherlock," she said, without looking up. "Are you trying to tell me something?"
Sherlock was suspiciously silent.
Joanna peeked between her fingers, but all she could see were Sherlock's trousers. "I'm not pegging Lestrade. It's not happening."
Still nothing.
She poked Sherlock's leg.
Then Sherlock slid to her knees with a flexibility Joanna envied and kissed her.
Sherlock's kisses were oddly tentative for someone who had spent the last month leaving gaudy cocks around their flat. She pressed her lips softly against Joanna's at first, but didn't resist when Joanna pulled her closer, parted Sherlock's clever lips with her own eager tongue. It was – okay, it should have been weird, it should have been really weird, but it felt completely natural to lean into Sherlock's kiss, for her heart to speed up each time she paused for breath and felt Sherlock's on her wet lips. She was gripping Sherlock's shoulders too hard, trying not to fall out of her chair and trying to get closer to Sherlock at the same time. Sherlock's hands had started out braced on either side of Joanna, but now they were cupping her hips, inching up beneath her t-shirt to her waist.
"Sherlock," she said, and she meant it to be a question, but it came out low and demanding and not very much like a question at all. Sherlock ducked her head beneath Joanna's chin and started kissing Joanna's throat, and for a while Joanna forgot what she'd wanted to ask at all.
But when Sherlock's wandering hands reached the clasp of Joanna's bra, Sherlock pulled away, her face flushed. "I didn't mean—"
"Sparkly vampire dildo." Joanna raised an eyebrow. "Glass tentacle. Weird vibrating cone thing. All for science, huh?"
"Well," Sherlock said, looking uncomfortable.
"New variable," Joanna said, and leaned in again.
Recipient:
what_alchemyAuthor: [to be revealed]
Characters/Pairings: girl!Sherlock/girl!John
Rating: PG-13
Contains: kissing, confusion, sex toys, science
Summary: In which Joanna wishes ignorance were bliss, Mrs. Hudson is difficult to surprise, and Sherlock never puts away her toys.
Joanna came home to find Sherlock looking intently at the rabbit section of the Ann Summers webpage.
She didn't give it another thought until she found the same page open on her laptop when she went to check her email. "Do you have a case?" she called out to Sherlock, who had moved on to something dubious involving the new blender.
"What?" Sherlock hollered back over the din.
"Please say it's a case. I'm not buying you a vibrator."
The blender cut out with an angry whir. "Don't be ridiculous. I put them on Mycroft's card."
"Ah," Joanna said. She deleted her search history. Sometimes, it was better not to know.
A week later, Joanna found a glass dildo on the desk. At first, she thought it was a paperweight. It was pink, hefty in her hand when she picked it up, shaped like a long tentacle that curved around at the end. She ran a finger over the nubs along the top before she realized what it was and almost dropped it.
"Careful," Sherlock said, her voice drifting down from upstairs. "It's Pyrex, but it's not indestructible."
Joanna set it down on the desk. Then she went and washed her hands, to be on the safe side.
When she took out the trash later, she saw the packaging: new, then, and not from Ann Summers, either. She also found last month's electric bill, and in the one-sided row that ensued, nearly forgot the dildo altogether.
It wasn't as if she was squeamish. Joanna Watson had been around the block and a few continents; she had a choice roster of men and women to show for it. True, that part of her life had been a bit lacking since she returned to the jolly olde, but she had other things in her life now: work at the clinic, Sherlock, good curry, catching up on medical journals, Sherlock, pints at the pub around the corner with Greg Lestrade, more Sherlock.
She'd had little luck with pulling since she returned, a few dates with Sarah and one with D.I. Clark, which had been pleasant enough until he'd gotten onto the topic of illegal firearms. Sooner or later she'd find someone who'd do. Until then, well, she'd never had any trouble taking matters into her own hands.
It didn't end with the tentacle.
The third horseman of the apocalypse was purple and plugged into Sherlock's iPod when Joanna found it lying on the kitchen table. She had stumbled bleary-eyed downstairs in search of her morning cuppa; the vibrator didn't catch her eye until she stubbed her toe on a table leg and fell forward when she grabbed her foot to feel for broken bones. Then the vibrator was right in front of her nose. Literally.
Joanna didn't touch it. She pushed herself up gingerly off the table and plugged in the kettle. She rubbed at her cheek, which had come down pretty solidly on the corner of the iPod. Hopefully it wouldn't bruise.
And then there was the silicone dildo floating in Joanna's favorite mug when she came home the next evening. Looking closer, she saw there was a meat thermometer tucked in there, too, one of those electric ones with the long cord.
"Sherlock," she said, her fingers hesitating at the edge of the kitchen counter.
"Mmm?" Sherlock said. She was kneeling at the table in the living room, engrossed in something cone-shaped that was a vivid, medicinal shade of pink.
"What are you trying to—"
The meat thermometer began to beep loudly. "Hmm." Sherlock scrambled for a pen and scribbled something on the sheet of butcher paper she'd put down.
"I don't think—" She turned off the thermometer. "Using my mug to calculate the heat properties of silicone, is that really… scientifically sound? Or necessary?"
"It was there." Sherlock flapped her hand vaguely in the direction of the cupboard. "Go away now. I'm busy."
Joanna folded her arms.
The cone on the desk began to pulse rhythmically.
"Really?" Joanna said.
Sherlock pulled her iPod out from under yesterday's Daily Mail and put the earbuds in.
And the following night:
"I was wondering, dear," Mrs. Hudson said, leaning into the hallway, "if you might talk to Sherlock about tidying up?"
Joanna braced the bag of groceries on her hip. "Of course. What's… should I ask?"
"Detective Lestrade dropped by earlier and she'd left some things about. I didn't want to move them, but perhaps…"
"Oh," Joanna said, beginning to get the picture.
Except, apparently, not. "It's nice to know you girls are having fun." Mrs. Hudson smiled. "Just make sure you give it a nice boil before you put it away."
There was a strap-on sitting in her chair. The dildo was pale and glittery.
Joanna took one breath, and then another, and a minute later she was still breathing and had not, in fact, expired from pure shame. It had been all well and good and strangely nonsexual when it was just Sherlock's weird new obsession. Now every time they were at a crime scene, Joanna was going to wonder who thought she had a sparkly vampire hard on for Sherlock.
Actually, Joanna was pretty sure all of Scotland Yard already thought she had a sparkly vampire hard on for Sherlock.
She sat down in Sherlock's chair and put her face in her hands.
After a few minutes, she heard footsteps. "Sherlock," she said, without looking up. "Are you trying to tell me something?"
Sherlock was suspiciously silent.
Joanna peeked between her fingers, but all she could see were Sherlock's trousers. "I'm not pegging Lestrade. It's not happening."
Still nothing.
She poked Sherlock's leg.
Then Sherlock slid to her knees with a flexibility Joanna envied and kissed her.
Sherlock's kisses were oddly tentative for someone who had spent the last month leaving gaudy cocks around their flat. She pressed her lips softly against Joanna's at first, but didn't resist when Joanna pulled her closer, parted Sherlock's clever lips with her own eager tongue. It was – okay, it should have been weird, it should have been really weird, but it felt completely natural to lean into Sherlock's kiss, for her heart to speed up each time she paused for breath and felt Sherlock's on her wet lips. She was gripping Sherlock's shoulders too hard, trying not to fall out of her chair and trying to get closer to Sherlock at the same time. Sherlock's hands had started out braced on either side of Joanna, but now they were cupping her hips, inching up beneath her t-shirt to her waist.
"Sherlock," she said, and she meant it to be a question, but it came out low and demanding and not very much like a question at all. Sherlock ducked her head beneath Joanna's chin and started kissing Joanna's throat, and for a while Joanna forgot what she'd wanted to ask at all.
But when Sherlock's wandering hands reached the clasp of Joanna's bra, Sherlock pulled away, her face flushed. "I didn't mean—"
"Sparkly vampire dildo." Joanna raised an eyebrow. "Glass tentacle. Weird vibrating cone thing. All for science, huh?"
"Well," Sherlock said, looking uncomfortable.
"New variable," Joanna said, and leaned in again.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-11 03:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-11 04:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-11 01:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:41 am (UTC)YES!
Date: 2011-12-11 02:01 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for a wonderful Holmestice!
no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:43 am (UTC)(eta: and I'm a little embarrassed that I didn't have to do ANY research for the sex toys, but you know what? this fandom NEEDED vampire sparkle strap-ons, and I am happy to fill that need!)
no subject
Date: 2011-12-11 06:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-17 01:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-18 04:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-24 05:05 am (UTC)Okay, better now.
MRS HUDSON, YOU SILVER FOX.
AUTHOR, YOU MARVELLOUS NAUGHTY PERSON.
Joanna was going to wonder who thought she had a sparkly vampire hard on for Sherlock aaaaand there I go again. What do you have against my continued ability to breathe??
no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:48 am (UTC)Sex toys are hilarious, yo.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-27 04:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-01 09:48 am (UTC)